As a 7 year cycle of exploring love – sex – relating from complete openness and curiosity comes to completion I would like to offer a funny yet informative article on some of the things I have come to learn:

Love has mysterious ways it’s the greatest teacher of them all – we never stop learning and expanding. 

There is no such thing as a generalization, a right or wrong, there is only a you and a me and us and an alchemy that is formed uniquely between us. 

Whether we carry social, cultural and instinctive sexual and emotional blueprints that could unite us – we carry at the same token an individual past, wounding and soul journey that throws the option that we are all the same out of the window  again. 

Hence I have come to the understanding that we can meet with others in more or less ways depending on many factors and that ALL relationship choices are valid and that each one of us can find out deeply what defines us and create our own love, sexual and intimate relating with each other. 

On that note I want to demonstrate the FREEDOM we all have to feel, act and create the life, the love, the relating that works for us, and that serves us at each given time in each unique constellation. 

Thanks goes to Obsidian Fields for the inspiration. Have fund reading and choosing what matches you the most, and ad your own definitions to the list! People might be using different labels for similar descriptions, the purpose of this list is to think – expand – and most of all not get too serious! 


Sexual Celibacy: ‘I am choosing to transform sexual energy, when sexual energy arises I do all sorts of stuff to distract or channel it elsewhere.’

Celibacy: ‘I don’t have a partner or partners, but I enjoy a good wank here and there, I work and enjoy my fantasies and urges consciously.’

Old fashioned Monogamy: ‘ We decide that we love and desire only each other and do not disclose if this changes or if we feel attractions to other people, have fantasies as this would disprove that the other is our one and only.’

Conscious Monogamy: ‘I am quite settled in myself and in my life and have lots of other good things going on so that one sexual partner suits me that I can go deep with and continue to grow with and share life with. However we fantasize with or without each other, rejoice in each others disclosed attractions but don’t want or have the energy of  to act them out for real. My partner and I had a lot of sexual trauma in our childhoods, we decided that focusing on each other is best for us at the moment.’

Medicine Monogamy: ‘My companion is my life’s path and sexual mate. We have a spiritual and physical journey together. If it’s part of our growth, expansion or healing, we do discuss and allow other sexual experiences into our closed container such as yoni or lingam sessions, workshops, sessions.’

Fucked up Monogamy: ‘I still believe we are monogamous even though I have cheated just a once off and I know my partner gets happy ending massages but he doesn’t tell me.’

100 Mile Monogamy: ‘We are monogamous, everybody knows that. But when we travel alone or together away from home that could change.’

Anxious Attached Relating: ‘I prefer to be focused on you than on myself.  Without you my life would feel meaningless. I even distort my needs and make my desires your desires so we can stay together.’

Avoidant Attached Relating: ‘I am not totally here or available, it’s safer to never have clear desires, it’s safer to not fully show up in just in case I get hurt again or can’t defend myself. It’s nice to have someone around but I am not sure what people are on about when they talk about deep love or deep feelings, I think it’s all a bit crap and romantic stuff is a waste of time.’

Dating Around: ‘I never said I wasn’t dating others or that I am exclusive at the moment.’

Sexual Dating: ‘I use dating as a nice way of not owning that I am actually wanting to expand my sexual horizon, so after I had sex with my date I don’t contact them anymore.’

Dating: ‘I am open for some kind of connection, I have some ideas what it could be that I want, and I am allowing myself to find that, whilst I am honest with my dates what my intentions are.’

Casual Sex: ‘I am too busy for a relationship or suck at it, so are all my partners.’

Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell: ‘My husband is not gay, he just has gay porn hidden behind his office shelf. I can’t face the facts just don’t tell me anything you do behind my back, it’s a lot easier. My partner is into kink something I don’t like or understand so once per month he got the night off to live that out, I don’t want to know.’

Soft Swing: ‘We are sexually exclusive but we like going to clubs and parties watching and then having sex just with each other.’

Coupled Swinging: ‘We are both into sex and swinging is a good way for both of us to be together and play with others in all sorts of ways, we keep it at that, we don’t connect on our own.’

Unconscious Swinging: ‘We are bored with ourselves and each other, no idea how to change that so there is some excitement. Plus my partner says I can’t give him all he needs, men need a lot more sex so I just go along and watch him a lot.’

Closed Swinging: ‘Our best friends we don’t just love for their great dinners.. but otherwise we don’t engage sexually anywhere else.’

Sex for hire: ‘We sometimes get off on hiring an escort for a threesome. Brothels are not cheating it’s a way of getting my sexual  release.’

Cheating: ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Although my partner and I have relationship agreements I bend the rules when I can. It’s my fetish, that’s why I can’t disclose it, it would take away the excitement if she knew.’

Poly/Mono Relationships: ‘My partner is monogamous and I am poly, we let each other be ourselves there seems to be enough to go around, everyone is happy. My partner likes threesomes I don’t so tend to either watch, make a movie or go our for dinner when he wants one.’

Solo Polyamory: ‘I live on my own and am true to myself, I negotiate and communicate all my relationships but ultimately I am on a solo journey with myself and god.’

Bisexual Polyamory: ‘We are both bisexual so we got both an extra lover – works for us! The more the merrier.’

Free Dancing: ‘I kinda don’t really know what I am doing, I don’t want commitment and all these discussions and women throwing all their emotions at me. So when I say I am free dancing that seems to keep everyone off my back, by the time shit hits the fan I have already moved on. Maybe I am fucked up but right now I just don’t want to do what I always did.’

Open Relationship: ‘We can have sex with other people but not a relationship or emotional bond. It’s good to have one nighters. We are quite casual about life, sex and love, as long as it flows we like to explore – not just each other. My partner loves a bit of adventures here and there and especially kinky ones – that’s not for me so in that area I give her freedom to do what she wants to do on her own.’

Conscious Open Relationship: ‘We have a commitment and deep love to ourselves and our journey together so we negotiate boundaries and needs as they arise. Relationship can be a deep mirror and opportunity for healing, hence we listen deeply and remain flexible with our relationship container to have space for whatever is needed at a given time. The person, their heart, their soul means something to me, we challenge each other to keep growing, we study, we process, we feel, it’s humbling where it takes us when we really don’t leave a stone unturned.’

Polysensuality: ‘Gosh we love all these cuddles, sexy dancing, massage and touches but we keep our undies on.’

Polyamory: ‘This is my wife, her boyfriend, my boyfriend and his wife will be joining us later. I have a deep love for several people that aliven and enrich my world, they have that too we have no secrets, we just know that love is abundant for more than one person.’

Religious Polygamy: ‘I changed religion so I can have up to four wifes. I pronounce you wife and sister wife. My husband dies so its his brothers duty to marry me as well.’

Conscious Polyamory: ‘I am a being of love, I am love, and my heart has no end, through my soul I connect so deeply with you that I want to express that on all levels also sexually, I care for you and you for me, love is what carries our connections and  we trust that we only bring in connections that come from the soul and heart without attachments on where spirit will lead us.’

Unicorn Polyamory: ‘ I can have another girlfriend but not another man. I project gender phobias on the same gender so that’s a no go in our relationship. I need to be the number one and only in my domain otherwise I am not in a good mood.’

Poly Triads: ‘3 just seems to be a good number. We got 1 bedroom with a extra large king size bed, but when one of us needs a night off there is still another one left to sleep with. Changing from a linear dynamic to a triad has really given us much needed space and much more expression.’

Kink/ BDSM: ‘I love watching someone else turn my husband on in black leather. I don’t care who or what happens I just want to be tied down and bare handed slapped. White doctors outfits make me orgasm instantly.’

Conscious Kink: ‘I have been wondering why I am so turned on by humiliation, my partner and I are exploring now what’s going on there and how it’s manifesting also in other areas in my life. Coming from a deeply religious background I need to be told I am dirty to get really turned on.’

Unconscious Kink: ‘I don’t know why you are so triggered I was just doing what she wanted to her and she said she wanted me to draw blood. I am obsessed with the same fantasy over and over again it’s everywhere also when I am supposed to be intimate or present with my partner, but I don’t care it’s just so good, it’s who I am.’

Slave Master Relationship: ‘This is my slave, also in our daily life she does anything I want her to do, I am her Master full stop.’

Consensual Non Consent: ‘I am compulsively drawn to agree to that because I am addicted to risk and adrenalin.’

Virtual Relationship: ‘Why bother with an expensive girlfriend when you can watch porn. My new blow up doll has AI and heats up just in the right places, she even snores at night which makes me feel really calm. I have booked a holiday with her next month.’

Mythological Relating: ‘I am a witch a wizard and I love journeying with the archetypes of nature, I allow them to move through me and ghee it’s better than any action movie!’

Energetic Relating: ‘Energy is my cup of tea, I can do it and feel it even over continents, or merging my energy with the energy field of the other or even a whole group, nothing makes me feel more high. I love it – and you can’t get pregnant. My partner doesn’t believe in it so I can connect with so many lovers in that way without him even getting triggered.’

Vertical Relating: ‘I found a connection between myself the earth and the cosmos. I found other people who have found that too. From this place we connect in whatever way feels right, with transparency and vulnerability knowing that we are larger than what it seems and letting the mystery guide us. ‘

Horizontal Relating: ‘I love and honor my animal body that loves to have sex in many different ways. I am exploring my sexual expression without shame. Desire is what drives me I rather feel that than getting too spiritual, emotional or domestic.’

Soul Relating: ‘I am what you are in essence we can meet each other, no matter what gender, age or culture, here we are one. I see you, you see me and we consent. No words are needed in this realm, we understand more so by being rather than talking.’

Heartfelt Relating: ‘I care, I care about myself, my community, you and the earth, from here I feel called to listen what is of service for the greatest benefit of all beings (that includes me). Sometimes my decisions may not look logical or right, sometimes they may seem harsh sometimes overly caring and gentle, in my heart I feel that truth has many shapes and I trust my intuition and my genuine intention to be guided with deepest integrity from that place within, that gentle voice, that hit, that gut feeling. I do  not need to be right or wrong, I do not need to prove my point, I feel my heart and I trust it’s calling.’